tough love

this past weekend 

i took part in Dee Donaldson's 3 day drawing workshop. 

it has taken me a while to gather myself and my thoughts since...

i'm not sure i can put words to it yet but i will give it a try: 

it was amazing, tough, exhausting and enlightening. 

i have never done anything creative or related to art harder than this. 

Dee wasn't asking for pretty drawings with nice shading.

she wanted a rawness, gut responses, she wanted us to dig deeper, to play, 

to rely on sensation rather than thoughts. 

and that was so hard... i wrestled with myself a lot of the time; 

with the conditioned parts of me who wanted to make a pretty but emotionless drawing, 

with the part of me that wanted to do it "right", 

the part of me that wanted to know what was "expected of me". 

my head and thoughts struggled to let go of what i "should" be drawing 

but here and there in the course i had little glimpses of what it is 

like to "respond from my gut", to let it come up from deep inside of me. 

the drawings i share here are the ones where i feel i dropped deeper and trusted that 

i could respond... such an incredible, fleeting feeling. 

i feel that these three days have rocked my arting world 

and will bring many changes to my practice. 

i feel the need to go inward,  to dig deep to hopefully discover what my creative voice really, really

looks like. 

i feel as if i'm standing at a doorway not sure of what is coming just yet. 

update...

remember my wild bunch paintings from earlier this year? 

they were part of a group exhibition at the Loading Bay in Durban. 

well... it is a little "cringy" for my ego to admit but none of them sold... 

so i took them back home and left them in the garage for a few months.

i unpacked them and had a good honest look at them yesterday, 

and i do like them, they felt alive and wild. 

it was good to see them with fresh eyes again. 

i'm not sure why they didn't sell, i could come up with many reasons

and excuses but that wouldn't make a difference. 

of course it has been a great learning experience, 

 and i learnt a few good lessons along the way. 

one of them being: "don't take it personally, it is what it is, 

get back up and keep going, keep showing up, keep doing what you love."

oh and i keep repeating to myself, just like on the opening night... 

Brene Brown's mantra: "don't shrink, don't puff up, just stand your sacred ground."

now that i've cleared the air ;) 

i have put my bouquets in my Etsy shop, it's all pretty and updated. 

(PS: my feeling is that they were priced a little too high at the exhibition, so i reduced the prices slightly) 

learning

it seems i can finally call these two paintings done! 

i have been working on them for a long time,

they are oil on board so they do take a long time to dry 

but also i've been experimenting with a lot of different layers 

and techniques on them. 

not my usual way to work but i have loved experimenting, 

learning new things and most of all, 

staying with it, as uncomfortable as it was at times... 

it's been a fantastic practice and i hope i can take a lot 

of what i've learnt forward into my next paintings. 

ready

i am ready, 

all the paintings finished, labeled and priced. 

ready to be delivered to the gallery this week!

i am pleased with the result, 

at first if felt a little tighter than when i just painted flowers 

as an experiment. 

 i just couldn't let go of the fact that they were for an exhibition 

and that felt like pressure. 

eventually my mind surrendered and i was able to take risk, 

play and experiment once again. 

that's when i get the best results i find. 

for example, the painting you see here just wasn't working, i couldn't resolve it 

so i decided to risk adding a bright orange background to it... and it worked! 

good lesson ;) 

oh and can you see my henna tattoo? 

we had a baby blessing ceremony for a precious friend, 

she got a tattoo on her tummy and we all got one on our arms! 

...

it turns out my wild bunches were a hit! 

i sold most of them (there is one more on Etsy) 

and also i've got 

 and an exciting new project 

came out of them...

i was asked to participate in a group show, 

i will give you more detail soon. 

the deadline is very tight so i got going this weekend... 

flowers in the making. 

super thrilled! 

one little step at a time

i'm still figuring out what my next step is in 

my creative journey.

i think i am finally surrendering to the fact 

that it might take some time. 

brushes made out of pine, good thing i went on a trip because we don't have pines here. 

mind mapping with a twist, inspired by Misty's Make/Do Art workshop

i want to play, to rest, to daydream, to experiment, 

and i trust something will come out of it. 

or not. 

deep trust, open. 

open

this is my gentle aim for this little break i am taking... 

quote from here 

perhaps i'll have fairy dust between my toes when i get back ;) 

making

i love making journals.

at the end of this week i'm going on a retreat i know very little about, 

except that it is with amazing people,

it's called "Away with the Fairies", 

it's in a magical corner of South Africa 

and 

we are going to work with horses.

(and my whole being was telling me to go) 

oh and we have to bring a little gift. 

and this is how all this fits together:  

in one creative outburst i am:

- making something i love

- doing one of the Make/Do art workshop assignment

and 

- making a pretty handmade gift 

(i love giving something i've made)

on my easel

 hooray, i am getting my creative mojo back! 

these little guys are coming along nicely

and they are making me cross-eyed. 

my intention with them is to keep pushing further than 

i normally do in an oil painting.

to keep adding layers and layers

that will hopefully add some richness to my work. 

let's see... open! 

beginning...

welcome to 2016 beautiful people! 

this is where my mister and i spent the end of one year 

and the beginning of another.

hidden right at the end of that road. 

this forest house, our home for a week, 

away from the madness of the festive season,

it was absolute bliss... 

i finished my 1faceaday challenge while i was there, 

(above is the almost finish december spread) 

what a peaceful place to finish.

(even though i had to mission out of the forest daily to share it) 

i tried to end mindfully, saying goodbye and thank you to this big project, 

feeling content about this incredible experience 

and then letting it go. 

 i even had some fun creative play while i was there, 

without a face in it ;) 

 once back home i felt the gap of not painting daily, 

i missed the organized rhythm i had in place last year 

and felt a bit nostalgic. 

i still don't feel fully engaged in this new year, 

not really sure where i'm going with it. 

but i'm giving myself some space to just be

and see what will unfold. 

ps: a little update, i'm just reading about the New Moon today
and that might explain why i haven't felt engaged in the year yet ;)
thought i would share it in case you feel the same...

2015

it's time for a holiday beautiful people! 

by now i think i can safely say that 

2015 was a CRACKER YEAR for me!

especially on the arting front, 

i learnt SO much, 

i made SO many marks, 

i put myself out there. 

 and thanks to all that, this year has been big 

in most parts of my life.

i am ending 2015 feeling HELD (my word for the year) , 

content, succulent and grateful... 

aaaand...5 days to go!!! 

 thank you for being part of my journey, 

thank you 2015! 

see you on the other side ;) 

with love, always

xxx

into the last month...

and into december we go... 

i'll be honest, this has been the toughest month so far. 

i've been intrigued as to why that is

and here are a few reasons that seem to make sense: 

- i can smell the end...  i'm not particularly good at completing 

things. i'm more a "new beginnings" kind of person. 

- the pressure if off... i'm done with the exhibition which means 

i could be taking a break but i need to keep going with my daily faces

and it's taken me a bit more courage and stamina 

than it did while i was in full arting mode. 

- i'm less organized... while getting ready for the show i was super

organized and efficient at planning my studio hours 

and life in general. 

now i am in holiday mode, 

 and while i like the relaxed freedom of it 

i realized that my creativity needs a bit of structure and routine. 

- i'm resisting the end... as much as i am looking forward to ticking off 

the 365 faces, there is a part of me that is slightly daunted with 

the "and now?" part of finishing such a big challenge. 

what am i going to paint? what am i going to share? 

will i still create as much? 

how will it feel not to have that commitment every day? 

(clearly this is a big one :) ) 

but then again, i'm rushing ahead. 

something i do often. 

the year is not over, and the next step will appear.

deep trust. 

stay present. stay present. stay present...

today!!!

today is a big day for me, 

the opening of my first solo exhibition. 

i feel a little nervous but mostly extremely excited; 

there is also a calmness within me, 

i feel like i gave it my best shot and now it's time to hand it over... 

with deep trust. 

yesterday the show went up 

and it was an amazing experience to suddenly see it all in one room. 

i got the "hang man" in to hang everything

 and it is the best gift i could have given myself. 

those 70 little faces would have been a nightmare to set up 

without his experience! 

i will show you loads of pics this week, 

see you on the other side ;) 

oh and i wanted to share my artist statement with you:

lies behind

it is curiosity that inspires my work. 

i am in the exploratory phase of my art, experimenting, trying new ideas.

inspired by art at an early age, i admired master painters like Joan Miro, Paul Klee, Pablo Picasso and Hundertwasser as well as my uncle, Francois Wenger, who was a full time artist and cartoonist. 

i started painting as a gentle journey back to myself through playfulness. an exploration of my paradoxes, my opposites. 

i now use creativity to express the overflow of emotions i often feel; an attempt to make sense of this world, to release, to transform and to find the humour in it all. 

this year i decided to paint one face a day, for 365 days, and it is keeping me in a constant state of exploration; showing up daily and experimenting incessantly. my first solo exhibition is a selection of these faces, as well as some larger work. 

i work quickly and spontaneously from my imagination, often finding the face in the pre-prepared, layered background; the details are sparked from clues and signs from my everyday life, a conversation, a trait, a colour combination. 

my work is playful and unconventional yet it invites the viewer to look a little deeper at what may lie behind.