tough love

this past weekend 

i took part in Dee Donaldson's 3 day drawing workshop. 

it has taken me a while to gather myself and my thoughts since...

i'm not sure i can put words to it yet but i will give it a try: 

it was amazing, tough, exhausting and enlightening. 

i have never done anything creative or related to art harder than this. 

Dee wasn't asking for pretty drawings with nice shading.

she wanted a rawness, gut responses, she wanted us to dig deeper, to play, 

to rely on sensation rather than thoughts. 

and that was so hard... i wrestled with myself a lot of the time; 

with the conditioned parts of me who wanted to make a pretty but emotionless drawing, 

with the part of me that wanted to do it "right", 

the part of me that wanted to know what was "expected of me". 

my head and thoughts struggled to let go of what i "should" be drawing 

but here and there in the course i had little glimpses of what it is 

like to "respond from my gut", to let it come up from deep inside of me. 

the drawings i share here are the ones where i feel i dropped deeper and trusted that 

i could respond... such an incredible, fleeting feeling. 

i feel that these three days have rocked my arting world 

and will bring many changes to my practice. 

i feel the need to go inward,  to dig deep to hopefully discover what my creative voice really, really

looks like. 

i feel as if i'm standing at a doorway not sure of what is coming just yet. 

experimenting

i love all these accidental marks. 

working with them brings me such inspiration. 

the unpredictability of the ink takes me to places i would never have discovered.

update...

remember my wild bunch paintings from earlier this year? 

they were part of a group exhibition at the Loading Bay in Durban. 

well... it is a little "cringy" for my ego to admit but none of them sold... 

so i took them back home and left them in the garage for a few months.

i unpacked them and had a good honest look at them yesterday, 

and i do like them, they felt alive and wild. 

it was good to see them with fresh eyes again. 

i'm not sure why they didn't sell, i could come up with many reasons

and excuses but that wouldn't make a difference. 

of course it has been a great learning experience, 

 and i learnt a few good lessons along the way. 

one of them being: "don't take it personally, it is what it is, 

get back up and keep going, keep showing up, keep doing what you love."

oh and i keep repeating to myself, just like on the opening night... 

Brene Brown's mantra: "don't shrink, don't puff up, just stand your sacred ground."

now that i've cleared the air ;) 

i have put my bouquets in my Etsy shop, it's all pretty and updated. 

(PS: my feeling is that they were priced a little too high at the exhibition, so i reduced the prices slightly) 

bzzzz...

i'm still experimenting with my drawing, 

i will be for a long time. 

here is the beginning of what is meant to be a bumble bee

more like a fly in the first attempt... 

more of a bumble bee this time

i am loving drawing something else than a face, 

somehow i feel freer doing it, 

not as compelled to put in all the details.

learning

it seems i can finally call these two paintings done! 

i have been working on them for a long time,

they are oil on board so they do take a long time to dry 

but also i've been experimenting with a lot of different layers 

and techniques on them. 

not my usual way to work but i have loved experimenting, 

learning new things and most of all, 

staying with it, as uncomfortable as it was at times... 

it's been a fantastic practice and i hope i can take a lot 

of what i've learnt forward into my next paintings. 

back at it...

i'm still drawing...

doing the same exercises. 

30 seconds quick drawings, 

than 1 minute to 5 minutes. 

below are some quick 30 seconds faces

and then i went to 20 minutes drawings. 

the idea is not to add more but rather to focus on certain area of the face,

 to say more with less... 

as much as i understand the concept intellectually 

i can't seem to put it into practice... 

i get going with the drawing and soon get completely caught up in 

adding ALL the details as oppose to editing, which is really what 

i would love to do! 

so it's back to the drawing board as they say... 

oh and below it's Picasso turned Pope Jean-Paul II :) 

weiiiiiird!!!

staying with it...

last week i nearly lost patience with these paintings.

they had just become too messy and chaotic for my liking,

i was getting impatient and i couldn't see any resolution anymore.

until Dee gave me her expert advice and gentle guidance, 

she said they needed some "breathing space", 

 an area where the eye can rest and that could do that with flattening 

some parts of the painting. 

below you can see,  i did just that, i flattened the sky

and suddenly the painting works! 

for this one below i flattened the lower part at first 

and then some of the sky too

and these moment, i believe, are the reason why we paint! 

or at least why i paint... chasing this euphoric moment

when the painting i've been sweating on eventually falls into place, 

it is the best feeling! 

i don't think they are finished yet, 

they need a few more details. 

but i am so pleased that Dee kept me going, 

didn't allow me to give up or run away

(which i tend to do) 

but rather stay with the messy middle...

very uncomfortable messy middle! 

just like in life isn't it? 

there are the highs and the lows and the sometimes boring and mundane messy middles... 

but oh so important for growth. 

slow down...

our days are getting shorter here, 

and the weather beautiful and cooler. 

it is inspiring me to slow down, 

take time to contemplate, cozy up at home.

i'm knitting, my second beanie now, 

following these instructions. 

below you can see Pax modelling my first one! 

i have also been painting and drawing, 

more because i feel i "should' than because i feel like it... 

and none of what i've done is working.

so i go back to knitting, giving myself permission to take a small break.

and i have been listening  and loving these podcasts, 

reading and loving this article,

loving Flora's tips, tricks and reminders. 

happy cozy weekend beautiful people! 

tonight...

tonight is the night of the opening of the group show i am part of... 

it feels so vastly different to my last exhibition, 

i feel pretty calm and here are a few reasons why this might be: 

- it's not a solo exhibition so i don't feel that the spot light will be on me only and that 

feels so much less pressured. 

- this was a quick, impulsive decision, i had 3 weeks from the time i agreed to be part of it

 until the delivery of the paintings. so i had no time to agonise over whether what i had done 

was enough, it just had to happen, without the mind and the gremlins getting too involved. 

- and lastly i had so much fun doing these 8 paintings, i kept rotating them, moving on 

when something didn't work. the movement kept it fresh and interesting for me, 

a bit like dance really, and all that really suits my "busy bee/bit of this bit of that/inquisitive 

personality. 

so all that said, tonight is the night and i'm looking forward to see my mad bunches up on the wall

i also have no idea what to expect... but i will keep reminding myself of  Brené Brown's mantra: 

"don't shrink, don't puff up, just stand your sacred ground."

and i might add: stay open. 

see you on the other side... 

love is in the details

this flower... it is magical!
it just keeps on giving. 

it is a  succulent called Orbea variegate or the star fish plant. 

it is AH-MAZING, the colours, the way it found its way through that little hole 

and the flowering from beginning to end is fascinating! 

nature does it best! 

even Pax is in love ;) 

ready

i am ready, 

all the paintings finished, labeled and priced. 

ready to be delivered to the gallery this week!

i am pleased with the result, 

at first if felt a little tighter than when i just painted flowers 

as an experiment. 

 i just couldn't let go of the fact that they were for an exhibition 

and that felt like pressure. 

eventually my mind surrendered and i was able to take risk, 

play and experiment once again. 

that's when i get the best results i find. 

for example, the painting you see here just wasn't working, i couldn't resolve it 

so i decided to risk adding a bright orange background to it... and it worked! 

good lesson ;) 

oh and can you see my henna tattoo? 

we had a baby blessing ceremony for a precious friend, 

she got a tattoo on her tummy and we all got one on our arms! 

coming up for air...

shew... 

managed to finish 6 of the 8 paintings on time. 

i'm busy taking photo and sending them off to the gallery. 

i've never worked so intensely with such a tight schedule before, 

i'm not great at working under pressure but 

it has been a great learning curve! 

they will be part of a group exhibition at the Loading Bay Gallery in Durban. 

a fantastic new gallery run by super talented artist Grace Kotze. 

i will show you more once they are out into the world! 

painting with oils

recently i felt i needed some guidance 

and to be pushed technically in my oil painting, 

so i decided to attend Dee Donaldson's weekly classes. 

i was super lucky to get a space and even though it is a big commitment 

(for me ;) ) it feels SO right for where i'm at right now! 

these are hand studies i worked on 

in class on wednesday. 

they are all still in progress and might even stay that way, 

i'm working on getting acquainted with the subject and staying loose. 

let's see where it takes me... 

more flowers

these are still very much in progress, 

but i am loving all the layers of marks

and the madness of them... 

i'm diving into Lynne Whipple's joyful tutorials 

in BiG Bloom Wild Painting. 

wishing you a colourful weekend! 

3D project!

i have this papier mâché project going on in the studio, 

inspired by the Make Do Art workshop

and i am absolutely loving it! 

above is the beginning, the building of the shape and structure. 

they were meant to be little men but they are slowly morphing into birds...

for now ;) 

i've started the papier mâché building and now i'm waiting for them to dry 

before i can start painting them. 

practice makes progress

my drawing practice is coming along... 

still not a strong enough habit

but i'm working on it.